Thursday, September 04, 2008

There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't.

My boyfriend had his fantasy football draft party last week. I found this old post regarding last year's fantasy football draft party:

I am meeting up with my girlfriends tonight for sushi. Our guys are having their Fantasy Football Draft Party or as I like to call it, Shit That I Don't Care About. I would much rather talk about penis sizes and shoes over wine and fresh salmon. Before I do that, though, I am hooking up with my best friend and we are going to play Gin Rummy - or as Ryan likes to call it Naked Pillow Fighting Involving Copious Amounts of Vegetable Oil. And Kissing. With Tongue. Steph and I are big dorks and we play cards once a week religiously. Back when we were both single, there was a period of time where that is all we did. No showers, no changing of clothes. We would pause every once in awhile to catcall some dudes, but the smell alone kept most of them away. We almost cut our hair off and bought a Jeep Wrangler and a big dog and strapped our breasts down with Ace bandages and wore chain wallets. But just because we were together so much. Not because she ate me out on Thursdays. Good times. Good fucking times.

Funny, because I spent this year's draft party doing the exact same thing. Some people never change. I will probably play Gin Rummy this year on voting day too. All day. Yeah, I am not going to vote, but that is ok because my best friend is voting for Obama (I was going to vote for Obama but then I changed my mind because McCain's running mate is so pretty!) so our votes would cancel each other out anyway so we decided not to vote and save us the gas and we're just going to stay home and play Gin Rummy and drink Diet Cream Soda. I hate to brag, but we are really smart and stuff.


Blogger JL said...

My husband "called dibs" on the computer from 10AM until noon for that stupid fake draft BS. Ha- I called it fake, take that stupid boys!

9:48 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

But that Michelle Obama's not to hard on the eyes. She looks like she'd be a little more commanding in bed. I don't know, though, it's always the ones you don't expect, isn't it? After all -- Spally Six Guns has five kids. That's got to be a sign that it's a destination worth revisiting.

1:00 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i just like to ask a lot of questions about it so he gets sick of me going "so what does the wide receiver do again?" and "how come they just run into all those guys instead of running around them?" and i snort like the players are stupid and eventually he gets fed up and gives me money so i can go get a pedicure.

chris - one thing though that we can be certain of is that palin likes to bone - 3 kids right?! and apparently it runs in the family. apparently sarah palin looks like the hot for teacher stripper in varsity blues. i bet crazy things happen when she pulls that bun out of her hair!

7:06 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

It's patriots of innovation like yourself that keep this country running smoothly.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I'll bet McCain's shoulders get going with Neil's rendition of Cracklin' Rosie.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

I will confess to participating in a Fantasy draft the other day. However, I am dumb and based my picks on who had the funniest sounding name.

This is why I am stuck with 3rd string QB Prance Cornshoot.

11:17 AM  
Blogger AmyO said...

My hubby actually thought you did it with your friend. whatever.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Yeah, I was planning to vote for Obama too, but I've changed to McCain in the hopes that if I vote for him, his veep will let me eat her out on Thursdays.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - i know, right? i also figured out a way to eat meatloaf more efficiently! with a spoon! god, i am smartypance.

chris - i could see him cutting a rug...or doing the shopping cart. that sounded weird. the lost thing - you are so right! now it is hard for me to watch it without thinking of your comment.

ryan - it's better to laugh and suck than it is to win. i should make bumper stickers.

amyo - so does ryan. the closest we've ever come to making out is one time we dropped some cards and i bent down to pick them up and she bent down to and i came up and the top of my head hit her jaw and she bit her tongue.

e.a. - i wonder how much you would get paid for that.

8:17 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

i would still adore you with strapped down breasts.
i mean, hey, i'm not even a boob guy!


8:11 AM  

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