Monday, October 13, 2008

Thank God for Composite Sketches!



This is the guy who did it. He is still at large. I can't speak for everyone, but I am sure glad the Orlando Police Department took the extra steps to ensure their sketch artist had access to a Magnadoodle so he could make a realistic unibrow and several pimples/pock marks. Either that, or this dood escaped from my cookie monster toybox.

This guy is a serial burglar in Beaverton.

It is good to see such an excellent description of the suspect next to his sketch. I am surprised they didn't add a bullet that said "Cooties". I wonder if my sketch ever came out, they would put bullets next to it that read, "severe armfat" and "looks pregnant but really isn't. she just carries all her weight in her stomach. i know we totally thought she was pregnant too" and "dresses like 1980's prostitute" next to it.



Still, nothing is better than this sketch from Newberg, OR - that I stole from The Lein Girlz.

24 Comments:

Blogger tinyhands said...

That's a unibrow? I thought, with the long hair, it was a headband. I figured that the description had him wearing rollerskates, leg warmers, and an inside out sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

I think I went to school with all those guys.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

you're right - i was totally out of line for suggesting a unibrow. i always jump to conclusions! of course! i always like to wear my xanadu outfit when dangling babies out of windows. or...perhaps he is wearing a head thing like the princess in The Neverending Story!!! that would be awesome!!!!!

10:54 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - i think i dated all those guys.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

The guy from Beaverton: I think it may be Bill Dauterive.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

lmao i think you're right, chris.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

omg...that last one CANNOT be real!!! that is too funny!!!!

that first guy looks like he's related to Shaun Cassidy....hey! Maybe it IS Shaun Cassidy! he needs some publicity these days! Do you even KNOW who Shaun Cassidy is? ;)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

beth - he was in the patridge family right? i didn't watch that too much because i felt like i was cheating on davy jones.

12:06 PM  
Blogger Miss Pants said...

I'm talking to all 3 on match.com right now.

8:13 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Did Napoleon Dynamite sketch these?

8:49 PM  
Blogger AmyO said...

It must have been windy for that last sketch...his mullet is waving to the right. Or maybe he only had half a mullet. Or maybe his mullet was in a ponytail that was crooked. To the right.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

I held him out the window because he smelled.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

pants - i should let you know that the last one on the end is a rapist. be prepared for some carpet burns and ligature marks. fun times.

grunt - ha. looks like it. i guess his career as a bostaff wielding wolverine hunter didn't pan out.

amyo - lol or maybe he was laying down when the victim saw him. on his right side.

ryan - i don't even care about the kid. the biggest crime you have committed is that unibrow. you do have pretty hair though.

6:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought maybe Sylar got to him.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i don't know who sylar is. i suck.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I swear, Oregonians really aren't that stupid and retarded looking. For the most part.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

christie - i am willing to bet that we (in texas) have way more stupid and retarded looking people here per capita than oregon. in fact, that guy is probably originally from texas.

10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, you don't suck ... you just have a life ... whereas I'm wasting mine away repeatedly watching Heroes episodes.

Sylar has the cool ability to saw someone's skull across their forehead just by pointing his finger at it.

You blog at work? I watch Heroes at work.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I changed blogs again, C-Lite.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

anonymous - you can watch shows at work?! lucky. everything is blocked on my end. i wish i could do that with skulls. i would do that to dr. laura.

t-train - you chnage blogs like i change underwear.

6:32 AM  
Blogger Red Flashlight said...

My husband just pointed out that, while bad, these sketches are about 1000% more useful than sketches of black people. Check out this blog entry - http://whatwouldthembido.blogspot.com/2007/09/police-sketches-of-black-dudes.html

11:06 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Red Flashlight - one time i went to a gas station to buy beer - the same gas station i went to every friday to buy beer and the black guy behind the counter asked for my ID and i said, "you don't remember me? i come in here every friday and buy beer" and he said, "you people all look the same".

6:12 AM  
Blogger the projectivist said...

oh make it stop!
so funny.
i particularly like the helpful suggestions you make for your own composite sketch

'severe armfat' haha?!!

4:09 AM  
Blogger NiolK said...

Holy shit,it's 1980's wrestler "the ultimate warrior".

How the mighty have fallen.

12:39 PM  

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