Monday, October 13, 2008

That's Awesome

i am starting to annoy myself. i say, "that's awesome" like at least like 50 times a day at least and such and whatnot. i say "that's awesome" when things are good, when things are bad, when things are really not awesome at all. like this one time i was on a plane and i paid $1 and got some headphones. just so you know, high altitudes make me gassy. so i was watching movies and cracking ass and not even paying attention until my friend leaned over and said, "crystal, not everyone around you has on headphones.... or clothespins on their noses." and i said, "that is awesome" (obviously not awesome, obviously embarrassing) and i spent the rest of the flight in clench mode which is very exhausting. i need to replace it with something. maybe i could throw a duece or something. this, this is bigger than me though. i am going to need help.

one of the things that is bad about living in texas is the constant sound of country music coming from everywhere. don't get me wrong, i will cut a fucking rug to it. srsly. i am awesome. don't tell anyone. but the thing about it is that country music makes me cry and not just a little bit, but like face contorting boohoos that are very unattractive and the whole time my inner monologue is yelling at me like full metal jacket calling me a twinkletoed c*cksucker and saying the P word repeatedly and telling me to quit crying. it's uncomfortable, really. it's like when you are on a rollercoaster and you're like, okay, self, this time i am not going to scream at all on the big loop thing and then when the big loop thing comes, you can feel it building up inside of you and then all of the sudden, you're like AHHHHHH HOLY CHRISSSSSST!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIIIEEEE!!! that's how it is with country music. i hear a ballad, and i feel it rising up and then i turn into a sobbing mess. this morning, i heard a garth brooks song on the radio. i don't know why i left it there, but by the time i got to work, i looked like a mama racoon. boooooooo ihateyougarthbrooks booooooooo.


Blogger Jay said...

I know several people who can't make it through "The Dance" without srsly weeping. Which is awesome.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - it wasn't even "the dance". that's the sad part. it was "unanswered prayers". i suck.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

I detest with all that is in me country music. Everyone from my town loves country music and so I had to listen to that shit 24/7.

And don't feel bad, I say "awesome" to everything, awesome or not, too. Ain't that awesome.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i don't like country music either (ok,ok so i like texas rock) but i bet you know a line dance or two. i think we're born with it. awesome.

8:36 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

gods i wish we could hang out. you make me laugh so f**kin hard i almost lose control of my functions, woman!

how dare you do that!?

anyway... marc cohn songs reduce me to dribble, since i'm an emotional retard anyway, AND a singer... i've sung some of them at weddings, funerals and worse: karaoke...

so yah, i'm going to hell, but dabnabbit, i'm taking you wif me.


10:23 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

no bronx! that is just wrong! singing sad songs during karaoke time. that time is reserved for "i will survive" and "baby got back"!!!

10:33 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I once cried to Carrie Underwood. That was, undeniably, awesome.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

carrie underwood makes me cry too.
no one's thighs are that taut.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

What in the hell?? My friend that just moved to Texas from Cali texted me about a song on the radio that she was moved by.
Is it in the water? Is it too late to save her?
Crying? Maybe it's the country music. I don't really listen to it, unless Tim McGraw and Dixie Chicks count. But they're like pop country. And that's how we roll out here in Cali. Don't hate though.
And I love that you said "cracking ass." I've never heard that. I'm spreading it. No pun intended.

6:53 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Country music makes me cry in pain

6:13 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

brandi - tim mcgraw sings a couple of tearjerkers - like Don't Take the Girl. another one that makes me cry is Indian Outlaw because it is just a sad, sad excuse for a song. OOOOOO BURN TAKE THAT TIM MCGRAW. and yes, it is too late. she simply will not be able to get away from it.

ryan - i saw A LOT of cowboy boots in New York.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Yeah, that Indian Outlaw song kills me. I start to listen to it because it starts out all catchy and fun and yee-haw-y (and I forget every time). And then he kills me with the first two lines. Boo.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

brandi - i know, right. it's like Tim McGraw! What is you doin???

7:21 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

Nothing is awesome about country music. Nothing. Have you ever heard the song:

There's a tear
In my beer,
Cause I'm cryen' for you, dear.

Gawd, I think I would rather shoot myself than ever hear anyone sing that at a kegger again.


10:00 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

christie - aw, i like that song.
yoooo are on mah lonely mahnd

maybe it has something to do with me being awesomely conditioned to secretly like (and hate myself for liking) country music.

10:39 AM  

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