Up in the 212

I spent the weekend in New York City. When my mom first invited me two weeks ago, I was all "I guess. I'm gonna hate it because of all the rude people and roaches and I'm going to come back smelling like urinade, but I guess I will go because it will be a good mother-daughter experience." Then, because I am such a positive person who can always look at the bright side of things, about 4 days before the trip, I started giving myself reasons to look forward to it. "I might see someone looking at me hungrily while jerking off on the subway! or! I could get violently groped while waiting for a cab! and maybe I could even get some pictures of real live hookers!" Let me just tell you. I loved New York. Srsly. I want to live there. I want to drive a carriage or sell my freestyle CDs to people on the street and then yell at them when they ignore me because they are obviously afraid of white people. The people there are not rude, the food is fabulous, the city is beautiful and there is so much to do! I didn't even get to see any masturbation or hookers and I still loved it. I met my mom's lovely friend and her family and I want them to adopt me! I really heart the crap out of Manhattan.

Mom and I went to Central Park to see if we could see some gay guys doing it in the bushes (AHEM) to no avail. We walked by 3 Asian caricature artists that draw people with big heads and tiny bodies. They displayed some of their work on a big board and I thought it was cute that everyone they drew looked Asian. We sat down on a bench about 10 yards behind them and eventually the one on the end came up to us and started delivering all of these lovely very sincere compliments that I am sure he has never told anyone in his life trying to get us to spend $20 on a picture. My mom was encouraging me to do it, but I declined. Everytime I have gotten one of those stupid things, it accentuates the size of my face and my freckles look like chicken pox and my eyes look like fleshy butts on either side of my nose and then I go home and cry because God forgot to make me pretty and I have to get by in life on my personality and God forgot to give me one of those. It's horrible, really. But then we were watching this poor guy and nobody was sitting at his station and then we started feeling bad and my mom told me how she gave Diet Cokes to this one homeless dude all the time and I started feeling bad and then Mom said she'd pay for it and I started wondering how I would look if I were Asian. I'd probably be pretty damn cute. So I agreed and my mom paid for it and we walked over and I sat down and William started drawing and it felt like I was sitting there forever and William kept making me look at him in the eyes and he looked like the guy off of Lost. Mom was behind him doing cartwheels and making faces and trying to get me in trouble with William but I stayed strong for him because I could tell he was a good person. And this is what he came out with. He even gave me some thick ass cleavage that wasn't there to begin with. Bonus!