Delicious

1. So I got a new job. I took two weeks off inbetween the old one and the new one so I could play on the internet and talk on the phone and sleep which is pretty much all I did at my old job anyway. So I spent one week cleaning and cooking (I made a muhfkn roast! What.) and the next week I spent with my lady friends up in San Marcos pretending I was in college. Only this time I didn't spend the time pouring sweet-n-low packets in the mouths of hungry men. Was fun. I want to live there.

Anyhow, my new job gave me this:

because apparently they haven't heard that i got Worst Driver in high school because I drove my truck into a ditch and nobody could get it out. They probably also haven't heard about my lack of depth perception and the fact that I have had 8 cars in the past 12 years but whatever. I will rule the road in that. And it also comes with a gas card and an expense account. Holla! I am going to be tearing up South Texas. I may also get a sticker that says "Cowgirl Up" and one that says "Silly Boys, Trucks are for Girls" and then hang those fake plastic testicles (which I will buy in pink) from the bottom part of the truck. So cool.


2. I am a dirty girl. I am a filthy, dirty girl. I found that out at Ryan's parents' house over Thanksgiving. Have you ever had your ears candled?? Srsly. Best thing ever. What happens is that you stick this cone candle thing in your ear and then you light it on fire and it sucks all the earwax out of your head. Magical. Here is Ryan's mom candling one of his ears.

This is what came out of my ears! How awesome is that?? I am done with Q-Tips. Done. I had way more wax in my ears than Ryan. (OOOOO. INYOFACE QUEEF). I am proud. I can also hear better. Plus, I am sexier. I can feel it.

Everyone is getting earwax candles for Christmas.

3. Ryan's family celebrates Thanksgiving on Thursday and mine celebrates on Sunday so we stayed the weekend with Ryan's folks. I was charged with bringing a cake to celebrate Nov/Dec birthdays for my family on Sunday and since his mom is some sort of cake making genius, we made this cake together:

It is all edible guys!

The bow! The tag! Everything! Although. I wouldn't suggest eating the tag because I used a lot of spit on it because I was too lazy to walk over to the sink and get water. I figured it would just make the cake sweeter.

God, I am lame.

Since I am so proud, here is another picture.

4. While researching cake ideas, his mom showed me this cake:

The cock and balls is made of rice crispies and then covered in fondant(thanks John!). Ryan's mom is awesome.

Ryan's Dad: Nobody's balls are that symmetrical!

My great grandma: Aw, that's a pretty baby!