Monday, December 29, 2008

Hi Blog

I hope everyone had a good holiday. I sure did. I got a lot of great gifts. I got a TomTom for my truck so that I don’t get lost on the way to work anymore. Also, I got some earrings that look like sperms and a trip to California and a Ped Egg (effing awesome – my grated footskin looks like parmesan cheese!! I should have taken a picture – coming soon!!!), but my favorite present is one I got by default because nobody else wanted it. It was cast to the side and I snatched it up before it got tossed out with the torn wrapping paper and the 35 tasteless diabetic fudge balls I made for Ryan’s Nana (I made 36).

Anyhow, check out my new calendar and tell me you are not insanely jealous. I hung it right up above my computer.

This is Mr. February. Actually, since this calendar came from a Mexican restaurant in the valley, his name is Senor Febrero, but with balls like that, I just call him “Hey Handsome”.

This is Mr. March. He looks angry. Maybe because he already had to have one knee replaced and the other one keeps slipping out of socket every time he walks and his balls just start crazily running into things. Like his knees.

This is Mr. May. He looks like a bull we used to have on our farm when I was a little girl. He was cleverly named Boy and he kept 50 of our cows satisfied and also the neighbor’s cows too.

Also, I found a picture of a fat mouse that I think you would enjoy.


Blogger Ryan said...

I was going to post an angry comment for making me look at pictures of Cisco Adler again, but then my literacy kicked in.

12:01 PM  
Blogger TX Gooner! said...

Sweet calender... I am sure quite the conversation piece at work.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Yet again Crystal, your blog will sustain my bestiality fetish for another week.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Bet that mouse on the left has a set on him.

1:50 PM  
Blogger TX Gooner! said...

Your nails look so nice. Where do you get them done?

2:41 PM  
Blogger JL said...

I have to suffer with my Zen calendar I got from our work gift exchange. I think yours is much more suitable for the office. Wanna trade?

4:24 PM  
Blogger Sassy Pants said...

It's about time you fucking posted! I miss you here in hell. I mean, work.

5:39 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

you... you... once again prove to us all that yer made of pure magic, likely fart unicorns, and that a beam of light follows you prolly wherever you go.

*and by that, i mean you likey use a flashlight in the bathroom to announce yer "presence..." *

happy holidays and all that crap.


7:37 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Those testicles could end world hunger.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

"Hey Handsome." LMAO.

Where in Cali are you visiting????

11:40 AM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

I think watching the preview on the PedEgg website gave us a lovely picture of grated parmesan foot cheese, so you don't have to if you don't want to.

P.S. Senor Mayo is hot.

11:57 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Ryan - dude, i would totally post a picture of cisco adler's balls, but i am at work and though i am sure have my floor as already googled "cisco adler's ginormous brainbag", i don't want to get labeled as the girl who loves balls. even though i do. i really love balls.

TX Gooner - everyone i work with is from the country. they don't even notice. boooo.

jay - you should see mr. enero. he is black and it all kind of blends together and wouldn't come out on my camera. he, alone, would sustain you for weeks.

chris - i bet you're right! one time i saw a hamster running on a wheel and his balls were running right behind him!

TX Gooner - in Richmond at Lele Nails. Her name is Nikki.

JL - zen would piss me off. i don't like being mocked. :D

sassy pants - come work here! or at least feed me a margarita at lunch!

bronx - flashlight?? i don't get it. i suck.

the grunt - no kidding. i wonder how they taste?

brandi - i was supposed to go to long beach but now my dad is up in the hospital so i don't know if we're going or not. boooo. poor daddy.

anthony - no, you have not seen MY footcheese. it is better than that ol infommercial.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous quantumfauxpas said...

My brother got me a crappy Tolkien calendar. Balls are so much better than Hobbits.

4:59 PM  

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