Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Not today, asphalt!

I am writing from the hospital because yesterday my dad got into a motorcyle accident. A pickup ran a stop sign and my pops swerved to miss him and laid the bike down and then he laid his ribs and shoulder and head down on the street and when I say he laid them down, I mean the road knocked the shit out of him. He is alive, but he has 4 broken ribs (2 of them in 2 places) and his lung is bruised. Yeah, my dad is hardcore. What.


The accident happened in the morning, but I didn't find out til the afternoon so when I saw my brother, I was all WTF, Trav? and he was like, "If I woulda told you before I found out he was ok, you woulda been all dramatic and started freaking out and crying." and I was appalled that he would think I would react so emotionally. Nobody prepared me for what I was going to see today so as soon as I walked into the ICU, I was all, "DAD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!" He looked like king of the chipmunks. He looked like he was hoarding tennis balls in his cheeks. So we found out that it is because he has crepitus, which is when air releases into the body and it doesn't have any place to go so it just makes your face and body look like hot air balloons or like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory only my dad is not blue or insufferably annoying. If you press on my dad's skin, it feels like he is filled with rice crispies. It is awesome.


I am totally putting this on my Dad's MySpace page:


P.S. I also got to see an angry black man's very large testicles swinging gaily beneath his hospital gown (which he had pulled up) in the waiting room at the emergency room yesterday. Come to think about it, he kind of reminded me of Mr. March. He was angry because he refused to put on his unnerwears until he saw a doctor. He saw a doctor quickly thereafter. Please learn from this that if you are ever sick of waiting for something, you can just take your panties off and be sure to receive prompt service.

P.P.S. My friend, Dave sent me this blog. It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen, including angry black man testicles.

13 Comments:

Blogger TX Gooner! said...

Yea Crystal... showin' the "V" for Victory!!! Hope yours pops is well and I wish all you lot a Very Happy New Years.

2:40 AM  
Blogger Sassy Pants said...

OH NO!! I hope your dad is doing better. What hospital is he at? Maybe he will be my patient. Mwahaha!

5:56 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Only you would be tossing up gang signs in the hospital. But that's just the kind of thing we all like about you. At least it is since you stopped posting pictures of your chest.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Yikes! I'm glad he's ok. That crepitus is annoying. I it every time I have Mexican.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Oh wow. Your dad is the shiz! I hope he feels better soon.

Long Beach is gangsta. The LBC. Go to 2nd St. It's where all the cool kids hang out. If you end up going, that is.

3:08 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

holy hell... best wishes to yer dad n stuff.

happy new year to you.. and nice pic. always a good time to flash the peace sign when framing a pic with pops.

hee heeee

b

3:49 PM  
Blogger Miss Pants said...

Holy shit, that is scary! I hope your dad is recovering well!! xoxo

10:39 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

He'll certainly get better with you around to keep him company.

10:15 AM  
Blogger Amber D. said...

I love how your dad's all hooked up to IVs and shit and you are posing over his swollen body. That is CLASSIC Crystal!!

Hope your dad recovers quickly... and you shoulda taken a pic of the black balls!

12:21 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Happy New Year's to you and your Dad, Crystal; he sounds like he's a tough egg to crack, so he'll recover soon, it seems.

Nice website, by the way: f*** penguins (I especially liked the skinny on the Puffin, which I never believed was real, anyways).

12:43 PM  
Blogger Red Flashlight said...

That's what they get for making people run around in those hospital "gowns" fer gossake! Doctors are pervs.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

I'm sure your Dad would be so pleased to see that picture posted for all to see.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Girl, your dad kicks ass. I've been where he is and it's not fun. Thank [insert diety here] he's hard core.

Oh, and are you sure it was appropriate to wear your safe sex outfit to the hospital?

5:15 PM  

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