Thursday, January 29, 2009

He didn't say "Open Wide!" Boooooo.

So I went to see Steph's hot doctor, who I found to be moderately-so-so-if-you're-into-that-kind-of-thing-cute. He did look like Enrique Iglesias cept for he was just a wee wittle man, which made him more of an adorable rather than a hot. I think, when rating a man's looks, you have to take into consideration what he does for a living. Like, of course, generally this guy gets more points because he is a young doctor. If he would have been a firefighter, he probably wouldn't seem as hot because firefighters are generally super good looking in their yellow pants and suspenders with no shirts and soot all over their bulging pecs. Know what I mean? And don't go calling me shallow or anything because guys rate chicks the same way. Like if you found out an average looking girl was a fighter pilot, she would probably get extra hot points for that, whereas if you found out she was a Hooters girl, she may get points knocked off because she is not as hot as you would expect a Hooters girl to be. It's all relative. And I have nothing to worry about because even though my looks are just under average, I am a Health, safety and Environmental Specialist and who doesn't want to put that notch in their belt?

Anyway, so I don't think I will be going back to this doctor and it's not because of his looks. It is because I have a twelve year old sense of humor and every time he said the word "vagina", I had to either suppress a fit of giggling or try not to break out in hives from embarrassment. DUDE WAS TALKING ABOUT MY VAGINA. TO MY FACE. Plus, since he was so young, it was like talking to my brother about my vagina. It would have been easier if he woulda been like, "Your hooha looks happy" or "That's a niiiiiiiice nonny." What. I know that's what he was really thinking.

And just in case you were thinking it, I never really talk to my brother about vagina cept for this one time, I was watching Platoon with my dad and they said pussy and I asked my dad what a pussy was and he got all embarrassed and said, "it's what's between your legs. now go get me some vienna sausages and crackers" and when I came back he had changed the channel. I thought the "your"in that sentence was meant as a general "you" and not a specific "you" so the next time I fought with my brother, I yelled out, "give me that basketball or I'm gonna kick you in the pussy!" and then he punched me in the face.

And that is pretty much the extent of vagina conversation I ever had with my brother.


Blogger Jay said...

Thanks to this post, I've officially thought about your vagina enough that Christie probably has grounds for divorce.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

So I guess hit it and quit it, one and done.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

And here I thought the part you'd find the most unusual is when he tried to take your temperature with is penis.

Wish I had more patients like you.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Dr Zibbs said...

Best Avatar ever. If you leave a comment on my blog during the other week I swear you'll get traffic based on your Avatar alone.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Jay - Sweet. Then Christie can split her alimony check with me.

Chris - He actually went in twice. Does that count?

EA - are you a gyno or do you just play one?

Dr Zibbs - unfortunately, i am not clever enough to make it up. i stole it from someone. booo. i a shitty person.

3:31 PM  
Blogger meshealle said...

I got "The Talk" from my STEP-DAD while watching Platoon. Ick.

I don't think I'll ever see that movie again.

10:11 AM  

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