Monday, February 23, 2009

I know I have been posting about a lot of work things lately. It's all I do nowadays. It's not so bad, really. I spend way less time stressing myself out over what color order to eat my skittles in accordance with the side of my mouth I am chewing them on. On the other hand, I haven't accidentally rubbed my breasts against people who would be disgusted if they knew it was really on purpose in over three weeks. Sad.

I thought working at ExxonMobil may have increased my maturity level by at least a few percent. The other day, I was listening to a guy with no teeth explain the importance of safety glasses and he said, "This is what we don't do. This is what we do do." and I suppressed laughter for the rest of the entire presentation. Safety Joe said doodoo. LOL @ Joe.

I had to take an auditing class a couple of weeks ago. There are observations, findings and major findings and we had to look at some pictures and determine which one was represented. So they showed a picture of a guy on a scaffolding and I yelled out, "Fanny pack! Major Finding!" And nobody laughed and the instructor looked at me and said, "Um... no. This is an observation" and then he rolled his eyes like I am some box of rocks. First of all, that was fucking hilarious. Second of all, wearing a fanny pack in 2009 is a HUGE nonconformance.


Blogger Jay said...

If I ever strike it rich and start a business, I plan on stocking it with employees such as yourself. Of course the business will fail miserably and in record time, but it'll be fun while it lasts (boob rubbing ftw!).

2:22 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

If it makes you feel any better, I excuse my kids out to recess and say, "Let's go! I have duty!" And they laugh and say, "You said doody." But they're 11.

Yeah, now that I think about it, it probably doesn't make you feel any better.

6:58 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

The only boob rubbing I get are from fat guys at work. It sucks.

Please, do not grow up any further.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Genius is often the first thing to be overlooked in the workplace, Crystal. You're not immature, you're on a higher plane.

1:43 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - ftw? wtf? fuck the what?

brandi - doody is also hilarious.

grunt - some fat guys have pretty nice boobs, dude. maybe you should be a little more open-minded. :D

chris - i am glad someone sees it. probably because you're a genius too.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

The dude's an auditor. An x-ray of the funny part of his brain would just show a test pattern.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I knew I was not the only crazy who sorted skittles! Who needs maturity anyway?

1:38 PM  
Blogger Red Flashlight said...

The older I get, the less people "get it" when I make a joke with a straight face. They just think I'm being serious.

Stupid, insane, or on drugs, but serious.

7:27 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

How is life, C-Lite? Fill me in on everything.

10:41 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

hey crystal,
in your copious free time, would you email me?
that is all at this time.

ps. i would have laughed til snot came out.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Scott A said...

I was in a meeting with a bunch of professors examining the disciplinary procedures at the university I go to. Every time someone said 'penal exam' I giggled like a school girl.

You can probably guess how I suffer when our class discusses former British Prime Minister Bonar Law.

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Crystal....

It's that Sexy Priest of yours.

I'm getting married. So you have to stop emailing and harassing me. I'm off the market now.... Sorry


9:37 PM  
Blogger Dina said...

That was fucking hilarious. Working with people with no sense of humor is soul crushing.

11:50 AM  
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I got a hairline crack on the LCD of my new iphone 3g, and on the web there have been stories that Apple will replace it for free? How is this true if accidents aren't covered in the warranty?

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1:33 AM  
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