Monday, February 23, 2009

I know I have been posting about a lot of work things lately. It's all I do nowadays. It's not so bad, really. I spend way less time stressing myself out over what color order to eat my skittles in accordance with the side of my mouth I am chewing them on. On the other hand, I haven't accidentally rubbed my breasts against people who would be disgusted if they knew it was really on purpose in over three weeks. Sad.

I thought working at ExxonMobil may have increased my maturity level by at least a few percent. The other day, I was listening to a guy with no teeth explain the importance of safety glasses and he said, "This is what we don't do. This is what we do do." and I suppressed laughter for the rest of the entire presentation. Safety Joe said doodoo. LOL @ Joe.

I had to take an auditing class a couple of weeks ago. There are observations, findings and major findings and we had to look at some pictures and determine which one was represented. So they showed a picture of a guy on a scaffolding and I yelled out, "Fanny pack! Major Finding!" And nobody laughed and the instructor looked at me and said, "Um... no. This is an observation" and then he rolled his eyes like I am some box of rocks. First of all, that was fucking hilarious. Second of all, wearing a fanny pack in 2009 is a HUGE nonconformance.

15 Comments:

Blogger Jay said...

If I ever strike it rich and start a business, I plan on stocking it with employees such as yourself. Of course the business will fail miserably and in record time, but it'll be fun while it lasts (boob rubbing ftw!).

2:22 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

If it makes you feel any better, I excuse my kids out to recess and say, "Let's go! I have duty!" And they laugh and say, "You said doody." But they're 11.

Yeah, now that I think about it, it probably doesn't make you feel any better.

6:58 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

The only boob rubbing I get are from fat guys at work. It sucks.

Please, do not grow up any further.

11:16 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Genius is often the first thing to be overlooked in the workplace, Crystal. You're not immature, you're on a higher plane.

1:43 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - ftw? wtf? fuck the what?

brandi - doody is also hilarious.

grunt - some fat guys have pretty nice boobs, dude. maybe you should be a little more open-minded. :D

chris - i am glad someone sees it. probably because you're a genius too.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

The dude's an auditor. An x-ray of the funny part of his brain would just show a test pattern.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I knew I was not the only crazy who sorted skittles! Who needs maturity anyway?

1:38 PM  
Blogger Red Flashlight said...

The older I get, the less people "get it" when I make a joke with a straight face. They just think I'm being serious.

Stupid, insane, or on drugs, but serious.

7:27 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

How is life, C-Lite? Fill me in on everything.

10:41 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

hey crystal,
in your copious free time, would you email me? bryantorre@yahoo.com
that is all at this time.

ps. i would have laughed til snot came out.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Scott A said...

I was in a meeting with a bunch of professors examining the disciplinary procedures at the university I go to. Every time someone said 'penal exam' I giggled like a school girl.

You can probably guess how I suffer when our class discusses former British Prime Minister Bonar Law.

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Crystal....

It's that Sexy Priest of yours.

I'm getting married. So you have to stop emailing and harassing me. I'm off the market now.... Sorry


HB

9:37 PM  
Blogger Dina said...

That was fucking hilarious. Working with people with no sense of humor is soul crushing.

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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1:33 AM  
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