Monday, May 04, 2009

I got a new job, yo! Except for it is at the same company and I am going to be doing the exact same thing! The only difference is I am going to be closer to home. I am kind of bummed because I like traveling and I am pretty sad that I won't be getting anymore boudin anytime soon or dodging requests to look at a particular manager's balls or learning how to do the sexy fat man dance (hair toss hair toss, belly rub, shimmy shimmy). I will get to go to West Texas. I've never been there before, but hear I should take precaution because the dust storms there could break your skin and also I knew a guy from there in college who stole all of my camera equipment and syphened the gas out of my car so that should be exciting... Our company underwent a massive reorganization and 25% of people got laid off! How I convinced them to keep me is beyond my comprehension. I seriously have been so busy, I can hardly make a decent b.m. but if you ask me what I have been doing, I will just look at you all empty-like and ask you to repeat yourself, but use different words and then I will just get angry and change the subject to how uncoordinated you are or how you look like you've been gaining weight in your face.

We had a team meeting 3 days in a row last week. For this team build, we went bowling. Prior to bowling, I decided to meet one of my work friends out at happy hour. They tricked me into going into a semi-tiddy bar which I will probably have to post about separately once I recover from the memory of the longest boobies I have ever seen. So then I met my team for bowling and my new boss was carrying a pitcher of beer and he spilled a tiny bit on the carpet and this strange guy ran over to the spot like he was tracking an errant golfball at the US Open and pointed at it and started yelling, "You spilled beer! You spilled beer!" and so I went over to him and he started yelling about how it will GET ON HIS TOES! and how I am an AMATUER and how he plays for money, he doesn't come in and DISREPECT OTHER PLAYERS TOES. wtf. And that guy looked like this:

So I immediately thought, you know, this guy needs to get laid or something because that is really the only reason people are ever assholes and then I saw him go sit down next to this lady in matching clothes who was looking at him all cow-eyed so obviously he was hittin dat. I guess I would be mad too though if all I had to wear was cut off blue jean shorts and a ponytail and an American flag shirt with an eagle and a Harley on it.

I am showing you a picture of what Bogey does when he rides with me in my car. He gazes at me with such admiration, I feel like I'm It. Also, it appears that this 80lb dog is the same size as my ginormous hand.


Blogger shine said...

I lived in El Paso for five years. Don't go there. Unless you like dirt.

To quote one of my friends in high school: "Ugh, it smells like Juarez farted!"


1:01 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

I seriously hope you did not take pictures of the worlds longest tits.

Ps. Nice nails, yo.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Bet Harley dude can roll.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

I am hoping to see you post a pic of the world's longest tits.

Congrats on keeping your job (at least!)!

10:06 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Let me know and I'll send you some boudin if you get to missing it too much. They've got nothing like that in W TX, I promise. Plus, Wii bowling is probably better for several reasons.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Amber D. said...

Ok so we need to do lunch before you move jobs!!

AND, NKOTB will be in the Woodlands on Saturday, July 18th. Sassypants and I are going and you should come with, since you missed the last one!

7:01 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Ok, so did you nail the guy or what? Clearly his view of the world would improve if you did. heh

7:47 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

Is that Ryan? Why do I think everyone in jean shorts is Ryan?

9:13 AM  
Blogger Mango Girl said...

So, how is the new job...?

4:16 PM  
Blogger Jay Ferris said...

I'm going to internet punch you in the ovaries if you don't come back soon.

9:35 AM  

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