Thursday, February 04, 2010

If my tongue was that dirty, I wouldn't keep it in my mouth either

I have 915 posts on this thing! 915! Effing crazy. Especially considering I have the tenacity of a fat kid in gym class. I can only say that because I was the fat kid in gym class. Ok, maybe I was just lazy, but still. I would hit myself with dodgeballs so I would be the first one out so I could hide behind the bleachers and pick my nose. In the 6th grade during gym I went through Melanie Neiburger's purse and found tampons and I announced, "Melanie has tampons!" and someone else rolled their eyes and said to me, "Maybe she needs those. GOD." and I said, "But she told me she is pregnant with Travis Tritt's baby so she shouldn't need them!" I may not have been athletic, but I was smart. Anyway, I have decided that I am going to blog more so I can get to 1,000 posts. Tomorrow, I will probably change my mind and think that 916 posts is good enough. Story of my life. I still have no idea how I graduated college.

Steph and I hang out a few times a week and "play cards". Since we have both gained weight in the past few months, we started an initiative to get our bodies back in viewing-naked order by walking a mile prior to card playing. The first day of this plan, we decided to go to McDonald's and then promptly follow that up with cards, cigarettes and way too much wine. Steph has one of those good jobs where she makes a ton of money, literally, if they paid her in pennies. She is all professional and kick ass and has gotten 4 raises in a year and a half. Dirty knees!!!!! Hah. Just kidding. Anyway, when we went to McDonald's, I ordered and when I was about to pay, I decided to be an awesome friend and buy her food too so I told the cashier, "I'm getting hers too" and then the cashier rolled her eyes and let out a click and a sigh and called her manager over to override the order. The manager asked why and the girl gave Steph the stank eye and said, "she ain't got no money....pshhhh....broke" and then she shook her head. Awesome.


Blogger tinyhands said...

FOUR raises?!
I hate this fucking place.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Ed Adams said...

If your serious about blooging more than just every full moon time, then you're going on my blogroll.

Afterall, I can't be sending people over here when there's no one home.

Also, I hope you picked your nose before you paid that little twat at McDonald's.

11:57 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

hands....she works in HR. that is like working in the house of the lord. she can pretty much just give herself raises whenever she feels like it.

ed - well, shit! why didn't you tell me i coulda got on your blogroll before?? (fyi...i do not know what a blogroll is, but it sounds fun!) i would have posted way more often!

also, no i didn't pick my nose before. i wanted to high 5 her.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Play strip poker cold stone sober, you are guaranteed to lose weight.

5:46 AM  

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