Thursday, February 18, 2010

It's too many holes in my socks and I'm ready to box anyone tellin me I need betta shooooes

Steph and I went out on Friday night. We went to this sports bar that does karaoke. This is actually the same bar that had the booty contest mentioned in the previous post. We like to go there for a particular reason which I am not going to mention on here because what you don't know (don't know! don't know!) might hurt you. Yes, I did go all Expose on you. Steph saw an old friend there named SugaShane. She says it is in reference to some boxer, but after meeting him, I think it has to do with the huge lines of cocaine that he snorts off his crotch rocket while listening to Linkin Park and wearing dude jewelry. She asked me to take this picture of her and Shane and send it to one of our friends.

So I did and instead of making a comment about her hot booty which is what I expected, he came back with something like, "Looks like you need to watch your wallet around that guy." He also said that her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend looked like an ass with a 5 dollar haircut. He funneh.

I got pretty drunk and wound up doing a shot with a girl I don't know. It was called a Mind Eraser and it was in a big glass with two straws. I do not do shots and I do not drink after people. Ever. I probably have hepatitis now. My liver hurts.

I also rapped to "Diamonds in the Back" by Ludacris and kept looking at the only black guy in the bar and saying, "You know what I'm talkin bout!" Embarrassing.


Blogger Ed said...

Good times.

10:29 PM  
Blogger Stephanepanie said...

1. My ass looks spectacular in those jeans which I why I will continue to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on them.

2. Crystal's rapping was so good that the karaoke guy took it upon himself to cut it short so that she would not get mauled by adoring fans when she exited the stage.

3. Crystal also forgot to add that she took me out to a very classy establishment (McDonald's because it works with our diet regimine) afterwards for some late night grub. The lady who passed us our cuisine through the drive-up window was Indian and Crystal kept repeating everything she said in a very bad Indian accent (douba cheesebugga). If you know Crystal at all you know she is anything but a racist bigot so I'm sorry, but this was extrememly funny to me.

5:54 AM  
Blogger Stephanepanie said...

Oh I forgot! Where the fuck are my fries bitch!

9:35 AM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

I am enjoying living vicariously through you. At 40, with 2 kids, and with a husband on the wagon (and me there too, in solidarity) you are living the dream, sistah! Go on, give me some dap!

9:42 AM  
Blogger Blur said...

So that's what a sports bar in Houston is like... I had heard stories...

1:35 PM  
Blogger Jay Ferris said...

Isn't it about time you went ahead and renamed this blog to "Tits & Ass"?

8:45 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Why isn't my life like this? Clearly somewhere along the way things went horribly wrong for me.

9:59 AM  

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