Monday, February 22, 2010

Silly Grandma! Those are for Catholics!

My great grandmother is hooking me up with all of her old china. I was going through the barrel with my Grandma Ann (her daughter) when she reached in and came out with a very old tiny brass cup.

Me: What is that? An old timey shot glass?

Ann: No! It is a communion cup!

Me: (pointing finger) HAHAHA! Silly grandma! Y'all are Methodist!

My grandma rolled her eyes so hard, I thought they were going to fall out of her head. (She actually smacked me in the head a few hours later when I told her I didn't know who the surgeon general was) What? I was unaware that most church folks take communion. The only time I went to church growing up was when my maternal grandmother would force me into hour long mass at the Catholic church where I would draw boobs on the hymnal and poke my brother in the gut with my half-pencil.

My dad was in the hospital with pnemonia last week and I went to visit. In the foyer, they have a statue of Jesus and I made my mom wait while I took a picture.

Seriously? Who freaking thought this statue was a good idea? As I finished snapping the picture, I told my mom, "I am going to hell," to which she replied, "Yeah, you aren't the one who just bought a bunch of Virgin Mary banks" and I immediately asked, "Where do you put the money???" and she said in the back of her head. But still. At least I come by it honestly. And at least my mom will be there to pet my hair.

Update on previous post:
While going through the pictures on my phone, I found that I apparently snapped a picture of the only black guy in the bar.

I also seem to remember laughing so hard I could barely breathe and exclaiming, "Steph! He have a pantyhose on his head! A knee high pantyhose!" which he most likely heard as I was yelling it across the bar. I really need to learn to drink responsibly.


Blogger Jay Ferris said...

Drinking responsibly is as much of a myth as the female orgasm, or so it has been proven in my experience.

6:33 PM  
Anonymous Mom said...

The surgeon general is is Dr. Regina M. Benjamin. She's the head of the U.S. Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, which has about 6500 health professionals who can be dispatched in the event of a public health emergency. Nominated by the president, and confirmed by a majority vote of the senate, Dr. Benjamin will serve four years. She educates the public on health issues. I'm not surprised your grandma has an interest in making sure you know about the Surgeon General. Pick up any pack of cigarettes or bottle of alcohol and you'll see the health warning label from the Surgeon General. ;)


9:53 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Oh you lucky bitch. I was frog-marched to church 5 times a week, every week, while growing up. And I'm not even Catholic!

This last Christmas we were driving by some kind of church compound that had this huge statue of Jesus along with what looked like a psychedelic Buddha, all decked out in Christmas lights and a 20-foot tall fake snowman and equally large cutouts of things that looked like maybe they were supposed to be old-time toy soldiers, or maybe whoever made them saw "The Nutcracker" while they were high. It was really awesome, but the pictures didn't turn out.

And I just had to say it... "Son, you got a panty on your head." Or something like that.

Hope your dad is doing okay.

2:00 AM  
Anonymous Steph said...

Did you notice his most excellent pinky rang?

8:34 AM  
Blogger shine said...

I love you.

Also, I read, "My dad was in the hospital with insomnia..." and got just a wee bit freaked out. Because wow. That's some kick ass insomnia.

Then I read it again and was a wee bit disappointed because everyone goes to the hospital with pneumonia.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

My father wanted to be a Methodist minister but opted against it because he didn't want to have to move his family all the time (a minister serves a term of two years and then is sent to a different congregation). My dad also really likes the sound of himself talking. So I've got all that stuff hard wired in my head.

I think this is the first post in which you have mentioned that you have a brother.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Lesley said...

ok, speaking of funny Jesus pictures, these are hilarious:

7:31 PM  

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