Bamail!

I was going through some old emails and ran across this awesome one from my friend, Ba:

Hey, what do you think of my new goal: I bet a friend at work that I could say the word "bitch"
but have it last at least eleven full syllables. One syllable, of course, is the standard. Two syllables is f-cking child's play; every two-bit white-bread investment banker downtown says "beeyotch." Three syllables is elementary school crap: ever heard of "bee-eye-itch-nitch"? Of course you have. Even four syllables is ridiculously unchallenging: "bizz-nitch-ess-es" (this is singular; plural is "bizznitchesseses").

Anyway, I challenged myself to eleven got-damned syllables. This is a pretty tall order because I once tried nine syllables, and, with my entire firm watching, I crashed and burned. The medics and EMTs that were on hand had to use their fire extinguishers on me because at syllable number seven, I became engulfed in flames (but I was wearing an Evel Knievel-type white jump suit and a helmet). I was laid up in a hospital for about two weeks.