Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I carry a boxcutter, bitch

The older I get, the bitchier I become. I don't know if it's a hormonal imbalance or what. Is this normal? My grandmother - the one that brought the cock back to life) says "I'm 70 years old and I am a bitch and I have earned it". And she has earned it. She got married young, had two children, 4 grandchildren, and 3 greatgrandchildren. When I was younger, I was very nonconfrontational. When I was 16, I waited tables at Ninfa's and was helping a cook wash some mats out on the back porch to the kitchen and before I knew it he had me pushed against the wall, started licking my cheek and murmuring "sweet nothings" in spanish. I just got scared and somehow wiggled away from him and ran in and never mentioned it to my boss or anything. I am definitely a weirdo magnet. I think I have mentioned that before. I have found that the reason for this is simple: I am nice to people that are just fucking weird and so since so few people are nice to fucking weird people, they wind up clinging to me and writing me letters about running away to Ireland and taking pictures of me and no sex would be expected but would be nice or asking me to be in a homemade film about a submissive young woman being dominated by a much older man while his wife watches. No, sir. No, thank you. Now, I have guts - like with the Subway guy...and with people I work with, people at the store, people driving cars like crazy asses. I will not put up with crap now. What happened to the sweet innocent girl who gave everyone a chance? She was replaced with a bitch that carries a boxcutter.

6 Comments:

Blogger Chris Cope said...

Ooh, box cutter. Kinky. Can I lick your face?

3:19 PM  
Blogger Sir Craig of Highbury said...

I seem to be a magnet for psycho girlfriends.

6:08 PM  
Anonymous sexylovepit's mom said...

It's normal. Let me know if you ever need to borrow my Glock.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I think it is inappropriate to joke about boxcutters. Especially since 9-11.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

Sir Craig, don't psycho women deserve to date too?

10:59 AM  
Blogger Sir Craig of Highbury said...

Yes they do Thomas... and if they are hot I am willing to date them... uh, wait a minute.

10:50 PM  

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