I Can't See Straight but the Two of You Look Awfully Pretty

I am way better at being a friend than a girlfriend. Once I start liking a fella (in addition to farting on him), I lose all of my personality. All I can think about when I am with that person is washing dishes. There are no more clever comments. Er, there are no comments period. I often find myself staring into space thinking about how dirty my dishes are and how they have been very naughty dishes and need an incredibly vigorous scrubbing. When I come to is usually during some important question where I am supposed to have some intelligent answer and I all I can think to say is “Well, what do you think you should do?” I also say “Hi” a lot. I know. It makes no sense. I’m witty as hell, no? What I want to know is, where the heck did this sex drive come from? I am a 27 year old female, but my hormones say I am an 11 year old boy who just found out that vegetable oil and Dad’s Playboys make an awesome team.