Friday, November 03, 2006

I Can't See Straight but the Two of You Look Awfully Pretty

I am way better at being a friend than a girlfriend. Once I start liking a fella (in addition to farting on him), I lose all of my personality. All I can think about when I am with that person is washing dishes. There are no more clever comments. Er, there are no comments period. I often find myself staring into space thinking about how dirty my dishes are and how they have been very naughty dishes and need an incredibly vigorous scrubbing. When I come to is usually during some important question where I am supposed to have some intelligent answer and I all I can think to say is “Well, what do you think you should do?” I also say “Hi” a lot. I know. It makes no sense. I’m witty as hell, no? What I want to know is, where the heck did this sex drive come from? I am a 27 year old female, but my hormones say I am an 11 year old boy who just found out that vegetable oil and Dad’s Playboys make an awesome team.

9 Comments:

Blogger The Mop said...

Only 7 more years till you're an 18 year old boy...

1:16 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Oh dear, Crystal, I say "Hi" a lot too. ha ha, I have some stories about that.

1:53 PM  
Blogger keda said...

yes dishes are renowned. and honey the hornyness gets worse.. trust me.

btw, could you make a living out of writing titles? i'm sure you could.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I definitely feel you on this one..all I want to is to wash dishes, too, but then again, I AM an eleven-year-old boy.

How do we euphemize "washing dishes", make it sound more romantic? Plate-fondling? "Massaging the platter"?

Damn, I think someone has already made this joke before.

4:27 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Digging for clams is one of my favorites. Shuck is synonymous with _________. Swabbing the deck is also good--it's an even better euphamism if you are Heather Mills.

BTW, I'm filling in for Cash.

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like digging for clams..it sounds adventurous. And beachside.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Güggs said...

I miss the perks of being an 18 year old boy.

1:37 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Who says little boys had all of the fun?

4:08 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

mop - i can't wait. then i can be horny AND smoke cigarettes!

kels - i have made a decision. i will email you and let you know.

keda - if i have a clever title, i've most likely stolen it from a song. i am not that creative.

anthony - ha! plate-fondling!! i never thought about the different kinds of dishes. this is going to open up a whole new world of dirty jokes.

the grunt - what is digging for clams?

gugg - and those would be??

golden nib - you're right!! i'm allowed some fun too.

7:28 AM  

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