Monday, December 10, 2007

just wakin up in the morning got a fake eye

I have been busy! Also irritated that my usual blog-time has been interrupted by work. Who knew that when they hired me, I’d actually have to produce?? Bullshit, I tell ya.

Anyhow, since I am mentally and physically drained, you get pictures. I will not be bringing the funny or the making sense today.

Since the last time I was here, I went camping in a big nice house on a lake. It’s an annual thing for my boyfriend and his friends.

These are some of his friends. My, they are scary. And scrappy. I like this picture because Ryan is making the face that I wish he would make when we wash dishes. Hotface.

We had lots of fun. I think. We are cached here. I am pretty sure this picture was taken just before we tried to go wash dishes in the bathroom but wound up clumsily knocking down everyone’s shampoo and face wash, giving up and then crashing/drooling all over our air mattress.

The next weekend was Thanksgiving. I don’t have any pictures of that because I was too busy stuffing my facehole with turkey.

The weekend after that was a girls trip to Vegas.

We stayed at Bill’s Gamblin Hall. The main attraction that they boasted on their billboard was Big Elvis. I thought maybe they had a 15 foot paper maché Elvis statue, but when we got in, I quickly realized that in advertising big, they were referring to his smashed genitalia.
Elvis Lives!

I always start out looking normal.
Then by the end of the night, I always wind up with drunkface.

This is Dad. Dad is crazy.

He paid the band $20 to play ACDC so that we would dance and when they did, we did not dance so Dad got on our table and shuck his penis in our faces and Amy stuck some money in his drawers.

I don’t know if she is crying or motor boating me, but whatever it is I apparently think it is hilarious. I am leaning toward the latter because motor boating in itself is very funny. I would stay home and motor boat myself all day long if I could reach, but I can’t. Boooo. I also think it is funny when she is upset. Ha ha. You cry! I laugh!

Oh, and Jerry Springer tried to grab my boobie that perverted son of a bitch.

This past weekend we went to see a comedian on Friday night and I made an asshole of myself...not to the comedian, but to my friends and my boyfriend. Thank God pictures don’t capture words. Sometimes I have absolutely no sense or tact. Crystal = Idiot.

Saturday night was the 80's skating party. We had lots of fun. =
J-Me's super sexy Glamour Shots pose

Here is my hot boyfriend. He is super sexeh. I am going to make him wear those glasses all of the time including (and especially) in bed and in the shower. He is with Stephanie. She had to pay extra admission to get her bangs in the door.

This is me getting the first beers for Ryan and me.

This is me after drinking many more and falling twice. I busted my ass very hard. The sad thing about it is I wasn’t even skating at the time. I was just standing there and fell.
I am kicking some major wasted girl face right here. Ryan saw that as “easy” and decided to stuff my face with Whataburger and take me home for some lovin. Only I was passed out and gassy.


Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Well hi there!

A couple comments here:

So if I tried to grab your boob that would be ok? I mean, if a perv like Springer can get away with it.... wait, you didn't say he got away with it, only that he tried. What the hell, I'll just motorboat you, mmkay?

Oh and uh, leg warmers? Did the 80's return? Fortunately you have amazing legs and wore fishnets to distraction.

8:36 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

first of all,

you and yer boy are adorable. knock that shit off, it's annoying.

2nd, Jerry's got good taste. don't knock him.

3rd, you gave me a new respect for fishnet stockings. christ, i need a moment alone.

4th... love all yer pics on myspace.

thanks for the smiles...

8:38 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

You decided to not kick the pony tail sideways this year.

I always wonder why my skate parties don't do so well. I should really have figured that 1880's night wouldn't catch on.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I want your life. You have way more fun than me and you're so cute, too.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

Crystal Drunk Face is nothing to be ashamed of.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Merry Christmas to you, busy lady.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I believe Elvis has what my husband calls "moose knuckle". I called it a camel toe ball sack, and was told it was a moose knuckle on a man. Is there really a difference? I don't think so, but whatever. Oh, love the whole 80's attire. We are going to an 80's Prom birthday party for a friend next month, and I really don't want to, but I'm going to crimp my hair again.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

e.a. - i am glad you reminded me! i had to go back in and add "80's" to the post. wow, what weirdos everyone must have thought we were. i mean, i know texas is like 10 years behind in fashion, but 20?? sheesh. although, i do look pretty fab in a mullet.

bronx - they should make a bronxbt shot at smoothie king and call it confidence booster and charge $20 to add it to any smoothie. you rock.

grunt - having the face that i was so blessed with, i always try to keep my hair down to cover it up. i have got some pantaloones and a white wig if you are ever throwing an 1880's party.

nessa - all the stuff inbetween the stuff that i wrote about sucked. i am trying to be more positive. but most likely, my next post will be about how i hate my hair and my big mouth that always gets me into trouble and how work sucks the fat one.

thomas - jace must have stolen your glasses again

anthony - no, feliz navidad a ti putito!

christie - it is funny that you say that. i'd originally posted "moose knuckle" but changed it because "smashed genitalia" seemed so graphic and dirty. plus, as dave said, that is way to big to be a moose. more like an elephant knuckle.

2:32 PM  

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