Thursday, February 28, 2008

laugh hard it's a long ways to the bank


1. Post a link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. I am only doing 4.
4. Tag at least three people. No way! What the hell kind of rule is that?? What kind of girl do you think I am?
5. Make sure the people who tagged you KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did. If I tagged it, they're gonna know it.

1. I am terrible at memes. But I am even terribler about feeling guilty for not doing stuff I am asked to do especially when the askers are sweet multilingual dancers with a picture of two adorable childrens as his avatar. I did a couple similar to this except I had to name 8 things here and here. After naming 16 quirky things about myself, I am starting to really question just how weird I am. Why is everyone staring at me? Stop it! Get back to work.

2. I tend to post things and then immediately take them down for fear they will actually be read by actual people and not just by my Microsoft paperclip man. I named him Johnnie. With an IE. This post will most likely follow suit. Much to my displeasure, I realized recently that even though when I have that moment where everything is cool and then I suddenly snap and go OMG! STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE! YOU HAVE TO GET TO A COMPUTER! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! Even though when I have those moments, I recently realized that people who subscribe to a certain blog tracking service can actually see what I wrote anyway foiling my entire plan. So there are a few people out there who know my deepest darkest secrets and they are probably judging me right now for eating an entire jar of pickles for breakfast that one day. And if you aren’t, you will probably be judging me by the end of the post.

3. Ryan and I have discussed dressing up the dog. He is Anti-dress up dog. I am Really Don’t Care Unless I Find the Perfect Snow White Dress dress up dog. The dog is a boy dog, but he has an empty sack. Ryan says dressing him up is grounds for breaking up, so the only times it gets brought up are when I am really mad and I end the fight with “Oh yeah?? Well, MAYBE I will just DRESS the dog up as a GIRL DOG.” And he is so terrified that he makes up with me immediately. The other night I asked if I could have the dog and he said yes so I promptly renamed him Princess and said things like, “Come here, girl!” and “She’s really hungry. Let’s feed her some BonBons!” Ryan doesn’t like me much these days.

4. I am the only white girl in my aerobics class. At first, I was very disappointed because my arms and legs looked like unattended firehoses that were left on full blast by some careless firemen. It was a very shocking realization to me that 1. I have absolutely no rhythm and 2. I have absolutely no ass. These women’s bodies are so beautiful, it makes me question my sexual preference. I desperately want a big ass. I ordered me some of these. I am very excited about popping my new booty.


Blogger Nessa said...

I love that line about "unattended fire hoses." Hysterical.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

That is some fabulous stuff.

12:48 PM  
Blogger heatherfeather said...

Okay, so now I want to talk about your #1 thingy as it relates to me.

I've, in my lifetime, probably never eaten a whole jar of pickles cumulatively. Because I sorta don't like them. I don't detest the gherkins, but that's just an indicator that they don't make me cry - not that I ever seek them voluntarily.

I also think that I should start calling Ernie as Ernestine to give him an empty-sack identity crisis. Even though I already call him Ernestine.

Okay that's all now. bye.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you(I should never have forgotten all those memes you've already done. As you warned from your previous meme, I expect you to hunt me down and I will watch all Golden Girls Episodes while you speak of your flow. Incidentally, the part about me you talk about how big your ass is--that's a threat? Sounds more like a party than a threat.)

What's ironic is I can't stand meme's either, but someone sweet also hit me up, and I couldn't say no.

10:39 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Do they make those kinds of panties in men's boxer briefs? Who am I kidding? I already have the most magical underwear in the world!

12:04 AM  
Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I ate a whole bag of chips for breakfast yesterday.

12:21 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Psha! At least you can show you're unattended fire hose. I get arrested every time I show mine. Buncha prudes.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

Pickles for breakfast? Are you sure you aren't pregnant?

4:11 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

i call my dawgs all the wrong "sex" titles too.. "she" gets a "c'mere boy" and HE getsa "GOOD GIRL" then he does something right.

they all get fed, tho, and i scoop their poop.. so wtf do they care!?

do whatchoo do, and don't worry about all the doo doo. ryan needs to deal. my girlfriend wants to get my GIRL LAB a pink collar... (i tend to gravitate toward the brown with spikes or more earthy tones) i can't even do that!? 'cuz what would people think of a straight guy walking a dawg with a pink spiked collar???

you think you got issues?
hope the booty shots commence soon. i'm looking forward to those.



9:15 AM  
Blogger Neal said...

That link, well, it just made my day.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Huw said...

I call my Microsoft paperclip man "not that annoying twat again".

8:30 AM  
Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Where'd you go?

10:04 AM  
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